Betrayal…

A short time ago our family was betrayed in a Montague and Capulet kind of way or if that is too Shakespearean, a Hatfield and McCoy kind of way. Since I know that no one wins in either of those scenarios, I was really struggling with what to do with my emotions.

Having somewhat of a vengeful nature that I have to fight to keep in check, I realized that I needed to deal with those pesky emotions, or I was going to DO or SAY something that I know I would regret.

I would like to say that I dealt with my hurt and anger ever so quickly, but I didn’t. I stewed in it for several weeks, imagining conversations and hateful things I could say to the offending party.

Not good….

Once I noticed that my hurt was starting to turn into bitterness, I decided I needed to take action. Part of the incentive to do something about my runaway emotions was that I was losing sleep over it, and that doesn’t help me or anyone who has the misfortune of being around me.

This leads to my main point for this missive: how do we deal with our anger and hurt when someone has betrayed us and our family members?

A year or so ago, I had a dream in the middle of the night that walked me through the answer to that very question: forgiveness.

 In the dream, I was guided through a “procedure” that I was told to use to help a friend, who had been betrayed by an ex-fiance, before she had to see the offensive person at a reunion.

I wrote down everything I could remember from the dream and practiced on myself first before taking it to my friend. I also met with my pastor and walked both he and my husband through it to make sure it was in line with scripture.  After he gave me a “thumbs up,” I proceeded to use it with others as well.

What I am going to explain isn’t magic. It’s a tool. It is a way to visualize forgiveness and what it means to forgive to make it easier to understand and, quite frankly, to do.

Let’s face it, we are told to forgive all of the time. That is a good thing. However, getting to a place of forgiveness can be extremely difficult, especially when the people we need to forgive do not care one bit that they hurt you.

I hope what follows helps….

I refer to this method as “Courtroom forgiveness.” It will be obvious as to why….

Step 1: Close your eyes and imagine a courtroom with a bench, witness box, places for the prosecution to sit, basically what you’ve seen on tv or in person.

Step 2: Now imagine who you need to forgive sitting at the table where the defendant sits. You are sitting at the prosecution table and beside you is Jesus. At the bench, as Judge, is God.

Step 3: Imagine the defendant(s) going to the witness box and when they are there, imagine you going up (as a lawyer would) to question them.

Step 4: Imagine “reading the charges” or saying to the court everything that the accused has done to you or to those you love. I want you to imagine holding a folder or papers that have all of those charges written on them.

Step 5: Now I want you to imagine looking those defendant(s) right in the eye(s) and telling them just how their behavior has affected you. Tell them everything! All of the hurt, anger, pain, all of it. Pour…it…out….

Step 6: Next, I want you to take those papers/folder and place it on the desk in front of God (the Judge) and imagine God asking you what you want to do with those charges? You, then, tell God that you want those charges forgiven — wiped clean. And imagine God stamping those charges in red ink FORGIVEN.

Step 7: Now I want you to imagine walking back to your spot at the prosecutor’s table next to Jesus and then getting called to the bench by God. Imagine you and Jesus walking back to the Judge’s bench. When you get there, you see a giant stack of papers or a folder holding all of the charges against YOU by the former guilty party: all of the rage, anger, hate, unforgiveness, unkind words, gossip, murderous thoughts, ALL OF IT listed out before God, and I want you to imagine God asking you what you would like Him to do with it.

Step 8: I want you to ask God to forgive YOU for all of those things. Imagine Jesus placing His hand on your shoulder and Him saying He will bear your guilt for you. Now imagine God agreeing to this and Him stamping your charges: FORGIVEN in red ink and letting you know that you are forgiven in Jesus’ name.

Step 9: You have been forgiven in the courtroom…. Now I want you to imagine leaving all of those charges against the “guilty” party and against you left behind in God’s merciful hands and you walking with Jesus out of the courtroom to the outside of the building where it is a bright beautiful day. Imagine taking a big breath of fresh air as you walk away…free.

Well…that’s it. Courtroom forgiveness. The beautiful thing is that you can do this anytime, anywhere. It doesn’t cost you a thing. No lawyers’ fees. No fancy books you have to buy to do it. It’s available right now for free….

Why?

Because Jesus paid the price so we could….

I wish I could tell you that I immediately forgave those who betrayed us, but I didn’t. Neither did Jeff. We fussed and fretted. We B****ed and moaned. But finally, we decided that being angry and miserable wasn’t doing anyone any good so we forgave…sitting at our kitchen counter with our heads bowed low.

A funny thing happened that day that we “courtroom” forgave at the breakfast table. Jeff came home from a long day of meetings and said he had no animosity anymore. He was able to be in the company of some of those who participated in our hurt without any issues or anger.

How cool is that!?!

Something that cost us nothing and took only a few minutes to accomplish changed his whole outlook.

So…

If you are struggling with unforgiveness for whatever reason, betrayal or otherwise, I encourage you to try this method out. It works….

I will add that I still don’t want to be around some of these people, but that’s more to protect myself and my family. Just because we have forgiven doesn’t mean we want to put ourselves in harm’s way.

And you know what? That’s ok too….